Sunday 29th November 2009, 2am, trans-atlantic.
On Saturday morning I went for coffee (medio, Americano, black, no sugar - it was all I could stomach but it made me shake) with a friend (primo, Hot Chocolate, whipped cream, sugar, chocolate croissant - made of stronger stomach and faster metabolism than me) and she asked me if i believe if anything is ever meant to be. If the things we had planned for ourselves today don't work out will the universe conspire with fate and re-align itself to offer us the same opportunity in a month, a year, a decade from now? Will everything that is meant to happen to us happen, despite our own decisions and diversions?
I would like to believe that I am being steered, that something or someone wiser than me is keeping me on a path, a Yellow Brick Road, placing my feet firmly one in front of the other as I blindly stumble forwards. Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see... so I'll just carry on moving and trust that I'm being pointed in the right direction.
Right now though, as I sit scribbling this in my notebook from my Economy seat on flight QF2 to Bangkok; I feel as though I have abandoned my luggage, skipped off the path, spat on the Keep Off The Grass sign and cheerily waved all manner of Scarecrows and Tin Men and Lions goodbye (which incidentally encapsulates quite succinctly all 3 categories of the majority of my previous dating partners - either no brain, no heart or no courage). I'm hoping that despite my drastic and unexpected change of course, everything that is meant to happen to me will happen, and maybe already is. Hell, if this is a misjudged foray off the the path then I know there will be people to pull me back, and possibly some stronger force than people to keep laying yellow bricks in front of my feet - in whichever direction I wander.
I told my friend that I didn't know. That I am a cynic, an amateur star gazer, a half-hearted philosopher, a failed Christian and a really appalling physicist - no authority on destiny. What I should have said is, have faith my darling, and hope that the pain you are currently feeling is only a precursor to the relief and the joy you will feel when you have walked far enough to get everything you deserve and want. Have faith that something or someone can see where you're walking, and knows better than you.
As for me, today: not quite at the Emerald City and definitely no longer in Kansas. Just rolling about getting drunk on poppy fumes (actually, inexhaustible supplies of Qantas' complimentary sparkling wine) wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Soon to discover I imagine, that for better or worse, there's no place like home.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment