For My Companion

Wednesday 28th April 2010, 4.20pm, Nomads Skylodge Resort, Nadi - Vitu Levu

Dear Ella,

No one has ever cried that much because they were being separated from me, no one has ever been so upset to see me go, I have never had the privilege of seeing someone's feelings for me so viscerally displayed in tears at our parting, and it made me feel indescribably loved. I cried too, until you were a dot on the horizon standing in the surf waving your arms, a little blonde dot in the distance, I sat on the boat that carried me away from you and wept! I cried because this is the end of a precious time, because I will miss having you there to tell all my thoughts to, because I am scared to go on without my companion.

Thank you for coming with me. In the past 5 months I have seen and done more of importance than I had in the 23 years that preceded this, and I am so grateful that I had someone there to see it with me. We have had the best times of our lives in each others' company, and without you to share it with me I may have found it difficult in years to come to look back on all this and really believe it ever happened. But I know that every time we see each other at home, every time we will drink tea in each others' houses (where I will probably want coffee and you will serve it out of Royal Doulton), go shopping on Portobello Market (when I will get frustrated by your indecision over two identical t-shirts and pick for you), quaff wine on a Friday night after work (you can tell me about famous celebrities you've dressed and I'll show you the new bruises that teenagers with bad attitudes have given me), when we wander through London streets that have recently seemed so far away, when I look at you I will be instantly transported back to this magical time in our lives. Your face, your voice, your laugh, will take me back to the beaches of Thailand, the jungles of Vietnam, the nightlife in Bali, the mountains of New Zealand, the sunsets of Fiji - you will bring these much missed places back to my doorstep. Less than a year ago we were strangers, but because of everything that has happened to us together I know we will always be a part of each others' lives, no one else could understand as fully as you will.

I'm sorry if sometimes I was a difficult person to travel with, too grumpy when sleep deprived, too angry at men, too silent when suffering, too fearful or sarcastic or cynical. Without you there I would have been a much worse version of myself, but your excitement and eagerness, your warmth, consideration, care and encouragement helped me to be more like you; someone who never took one day we had for granted. I will endeavour to carry this with me, taking all I have learnt from your bravery and exuberance on the road ahead in the hope that, like you, I will never forget how lucky we have been.

Have the best time in America and Canada, see everything, do everything, only take registered taxis, wear your sunscreen, don't wash your whites with your red dress, find someone to play with your hair, teach everyone about the Tune scale, don't worry about money - your creativity and your ambition will make you more soon enough. Show everyone Stateside why it is that I miss you so much already. And Ells, don't fret about the future, it is in bigger hands than your dainty ring-laden fingers. You know that I believe in things happening for a reason, that if we truly try to do the right thing, life will provide us with tools and means to do this. When I made that scary decision back in September to finally bite the bullet and buy a plane ticket, I was introduced to you just 8 days later. I cannot shrug my shoulders and call it a coincidence. What have you to worry about, when it has already been so mercifully proven to us that the future has a way of taking care of itself?! All that you want to happen will happen, in ways you may not even expect.

On the day you came away you sent me a text message from the airport, do you remember? It said,

'I'm so scared and excited. Eating dinner alone, need someone to hug but can't speak to anyone because we just cry! I can't wait to see you, we are going to have a mammoth adventure.'

Yes we did my darling. Thank you, a million times thank you for being at my side through the most mammoth of adventures, it would have been so much smaller without you.

All my love always,
Grace x.