Carry It With You

Friday 4th December 2009, 6.30am, Haad Rin Beach - Koh Phangan

I am beginning to think that the hardest thing about travelling will be the need to leave each place in order to get to the new one. You can't have it all, you can only find new destinations, new experiences and new people that make you happy by leaving others behind. I am as yet ill-equipped for this necessary but painful string of impending goodbyes and imagine that days spent in transit, in traveller's purgatory, will be the most difficult. Essentially the sour part of the bittersweet forward journey.

Myself and the companion arrived in Koh Phangan 4 days ago, but if you told me I'd been here for 4 months I would probably just nod my silly head and say yes, that sounds about right, but have I not always been here? And where is this Romford you speak of? As planned we met up with my drinking partner of 2 months ago from that afternoon in the pub on Globe Road, he who holds partial responsibility for my quarter-life crisis and therefore, current location. We have spent 4 days of near bliss celebrating the Full Moon with him and a group of fantastic people he's with, along with about 10,000 other neon-painted, fire-dancing, bucket-drinking revellers. I've barely moved from the beach (which is of course, a beach the kind of which travel agents' dreams and bank balances are made - soft white sand, cobalt blue sea, palm trees, and during the day quiet desertion) and now I find myself here again, unable to sleep, nonplussed by mosquitoes, sand and rapidly approaching tide as our friends go already greatly missed on their way to Malaysia.

I head to Bangkok later today via boat and overnight coach and will be meeting one of my all time favourite people there who is, joyfully for me, spending a couple of weeks of her annual leave in my back-pocket, where she belongs. I am very excited to see her and spend time with her in Thailand, the last time we saw each other a week ago (or was it 2 months? 3 years?) was on a freezing cold, rainy street corner in Bethnal Green - it would be fair to say we're upgrading. Despite my anticipation to see her though, I am undoubtedly sad that I cannot take everything and everyone else with me.

This is probably why I departed London on Saturday laden with photo keyrings and bracelets and pendants and 'good luck' charms given to me by loved ones - they'll sit idly in my already overly heavy backpack for the next year not because they are useful - but because I have trouble letting go and saying goodbye. I'd like to think though that I'm not the only soppy sod in South East Asia, or beyond. As much as I take things along on my journey, I know that there are others who have with them photos, gifts given, letters written, dresses lent, useless bag-filling tat or just fond memories - that means they are carrying me. Surely everyone's backpack would feel lighter knowing that you yourself sit idly but treasured in the bottom of someone else's.