Here Come The Girls

Tuesday 2nd February 2010, 2.40pm, Art Cafe - Chiang Mai

You may or may not recall from my last entry that I mentioned the presence of a Tesco Metro here in Chiang Mai. I understand that this may not have inspired quite the same level of excitement in you as it did in me - you no doubt get to see Tesco Metros all the time you lucky devil, but for moi, it was a huge novelty. It's blue and white sign welcomingly out of place so far from home. Just now though, about 35 minutes ago to be precise, I saw a different and equally incongruous blue and white sign that sent me completely balmy with delight (I'm not entirely sure about this but I think I may also have done a mini jig in the street). I have found... a Boots. A BOOTS!!!!

In an attempt to dislodge the hangover monster I awoke this morning to discover jumping up and down on my stomach and smacking me round the face, I've taken myself on a walking tour of the city today, map in hand and following my newly acquired but already fully fledged Trusty Sense Of Direction. I've been exploring the streets and alleyways of the town beyond the city walls, stopping off at various temples and bookshops and caffeine establishments on my way. Innocently rounding the corner on a busy road I was halted in my tracks by the presence of this Boots here, this cosmetics and toiletries wonder emporium that has generously unveiled itself to me at a time when I was beginning to get really fed up of sub-standard lotions and potions.

The last shampoo I bought for example (and I only know it's possibly shampoo because there is a picture of a girl with glossy hair on the front) smells like honeydew melon, and this smell makes me feel queasy - why didn't they put a picture of that nausea causing fruit on the front?! I'd run out of a few unnecessary but indulgent little goodies I brought with me and so have been living on the breadline of bathroom existence, washing as men do - perfunctorily, for hygiene and habit, and not as women do - languorously, for pleasure of products and pampering.

Needless to say I skipped around that Boots for half an hour, looking I imagine not dissimilar to a child sucking a lollipop, holding a puppy, at the beginning of the 6 week summer break, on holiday at Disneyland. If you had been an unsuspecting midday browser in Boots of Chiang Mai for these 30 minutes, as many other customers were, you would have heard my Essex twang squeakily echoing over the aisles, unable as I was to keep from chattering away to myself in the elation of it all. Such exclamations I believe I voiced out loud were 'What is a Jojoba anyway?', and 'Oh my days, I'll die if they've got dry shampoo... THEY'VE GOT DRY SHAMPOO!', and 'I'd forgotten Soap and Glory even existed, it's like I've been living under a rock', and '(Loud sniff) Mmmm, the coconut and banana one is so much better than the coconut or the banana on it's own', and to some poor German people, 'Can you believe they have like 50 different types of Conditioner here and they all do different things? It's like Christmas!'. They smiled and nodded politely, and then all glanced nervously at each other with looks that said, 'let's just back out of here slowly and get away before her tablets wear off and she hurts us.'

Basically I went mad. I can't tell you how much I spent because it's embarrassing, the girl serving at the till looked like she wanted to reassure me that Boots isn't going into liquidation and that she's not aware of any current national toiletries shortage crisis. What I will say though is that I'm bound to look positively glowing and smell like a fruit bowl from my fringe to my toenails when I go out tonight. For the first time in ages, getting ready will be a real joy, and that's definitely worth the silly price tag and a few terrified Germans.