Holiday Routines

Thursday 18th February 2010, 6.15pm, Princess Spa Poolside - Koh Phi Phi

This is a disaster. You know what I'm going to say I suspect, I've said it before, it's happened again, quelle surprise Grace you are quite the predictable layabout. I am blowing out the itinerary (schminery), I have been here a week, and I have no plans to leave for a good few days yet - I'm the epitome of "backpacking" traitor. Ella, as normal, is being superbly well behaved and is following standard travelling law procedure, she left for Sumatra yesterday morning with our impossibly cute and scrumptious Australian friend Kirk. (Sorry Kirk, I know 'scrumptious' wouldn't be on your top ten desirable adjectives to be described as, but you truly, truly are). Daniel and I, on the other hand, are exceedingly bad influences on each other, and have completely relinquished our fates to the hypnotic hold that Phi Phi has over us.

To make matters worse, we have met Patrick. A hedge-funder from Mayfair, practised holidaymaker and traditional English gent with cash to splash on enjoying oneself. Do you know what the three of us have done today, do you?! We have paid to use a hotel's infinity pool on the beach, we spent 3 hours sat at the bar in the pool and got pissed on Bacardi Breezers! Appalling isn't it. Even more appalling is our justification method for this behaviour. Every time Daniel or I feels encroaching guilt about nonsense such as budgets or timetables, one of us sings Madonna's 'Holiday' at the other, and we instantly feel that somehow this makes it all acceptable, because we're on holiday with our friend Patrick, after all.

I have little of substantial interest to divulge about our activities over the past few days. I will however give you an overview of A Day in The Life of Grace and Daniel....

9am - Wake up. Decide it's far too early to be conscious, go back to sleep.
11am - Wake up again, feeling like this is a more appropriate hour of the day for "activity".
11.10am to 12pm - Potter about our bungalow, watch TV, faff about getting ready, look for things we swear we've lost or had stolen only to find them under last night's dirty clothes.
12.10pm - Go to restaurant in town. Eat lunch for which no appetite has been worked up.
12.55pm - Go to beach. On way to beach I may try and indulge in some shopping at market stalls but Daniel has very little patience for me trying on clothes and then attempting to elicit an opinion from him, and so I have a very low success rate. I shall leave him behind one of these days.
1pm to 6pm - Stay on beach, drink fruit shakes, work on our tans, swim in the sea, write in our journals, read our books, sing to each other (because neither has an ipod). Alternatively, go to pool, meet Bad Patrick, float around whilst drunk on alcopops saying deep and meaningful things about the ocean, or the colour of the sky.
6pm to 8pm - Siesta. Watch old films back at the bungalow. Spruce up, try on each other's t-shirts, take photos of each other in said ill-fitting t-shirts.
8.10pm - Dinner at different restaurant. Normally restaurant has been picked by Patrick, one which we as travellers probably can't afford but consentingly go to anyway. We know we can't afford it because it has a complimentary salad bar and proper wine glasses. I had beef fillet and a Mai Tai last night. Steak and cocktails I tell you!
9pm to 10.30pm - Head to Banana Bar or Tiger Bar for early evening cocktail buckets, drinking games, warm-up dancing, and Connect 4 Championship League.
10.35pm to 1am - Go to beach party at Apache or Ibiza Bars. Dance like no one's watching, drink vodka with Red Bull for crazy shapes ammunition and stamina.
1.05am to 5am - Head to cushions on beach outside Stones Bar. Once there, drink some more, eat Thai street food, watch fire shows, attempt fire limbo then think better of it when flames are licking your chin, talk about destiny, and the stars, and the problem with politicians today, and Buddhism.
5.05am to 5.30am - Remember where we live. Find where we live. Try to fight effects of Red Bull and go to sleep.
5.30am to 9am - Dream about doing much of the same tomorrow.

Isn't it disgusting. Gloriously, decadently, fantastically and thrillingly disgusting. Holidayeeeeee.....