April Fall Day

Thursday 1st April 2010, 4pm, Urban Retreat Lodge - Taupo

I don't know how to tell you this, because I can barely even convince myself that it happened. If it weren't for the photographic evidence and my complimentary t-shirt I think I would already believe that I was making it up. Today was a seminal day in my life, a day when I did one of the greatest things I have ever and probably will ever do for myself.

I put on a red jumpsuit, a black leather hood, and some plastic goggles. I climbed in a tiny little jet plane with 10 or so other people. The plane flew to 12,000ft in the air. I let a stranger strap himself to my back with a few harnesses. The door of the plane swung open. I sat on the edge with my legs dangling out into nothingness and oxygen stolen from my lungs. Then me and Matti - the most important stranger ever - jumped out of the plane, free falling at 200 kilometres an hour through 9,000ft of empty sky before the parachute kicked in and sailed us the other 3,000ft down to solid ground. Only when the leisurely descent had begun did I remark with alarm that 'we're quite high Matti.' I did a skydive.

The only reason I managed to do this without crying, or throwing up, or punching someone in the face, is that it happened as simply as I have just described it. I told myself when we first put our names on the sheet for this little afternoon activity that the only way I was going to get through it was by giving it absolutely no thought at all. I refused to ponder on it once. It has been my experience that the over-thinking and analysis of a thing can very quickly lead to finding lots of reasons why we shouldn't do it. I have rationalised my way out of many an opportunity in the past, due to that inner Doubting Thomas and fearful logic of mine, but I wasn't going to let myself miss out today because of my own cowardice, no Sirree, I was making a stand, or rather, a fall.

So whilst preparing for the skydive I succeeded in emptying my mind of all decision making powers by playing a little light music in my head, and singing along to it with the lyrics 'La la la, just putting on some goggles, nothing else, la la la, little plane trip, no reason for it, do wap de do, look at the view, mee mi mo, time to go...'. This nonsense melodic monologue is entirely what got me out of that plane. This, it has occurred to me, is why stupid people often do stupid things; because they do not allow their brain to function before their body acts. There must be people all over the planet singing inanely away to themselves in their heads as I did today.

In this instance though, I am glad to have joined their idiotic ranks. I doubt I will ever come so close again to feeling like I was flying. As you fall you have no perception of the ground gaining on you, no notion of danger, no fear, no moments of your life flashing before your eyes. All I felt was free. More free than I ever have, arms outstretched soaring above the world, up where only the birds knows what sky tastes like as it licks past your skin and cushions your limbs tumbling through it. The freefall only lasts 50 seconds, but it felt endless, this weightless sinking through an eternity of blue. It was truly incredible, so liberating and empowering, a magical and life-assuring experience.

Lots of people who dive mouth things in the direction of the camera, wave at their mum, write things on their faces, pose like Superman... lots of entertaining showy numbers for the benefit of the DVD filming of it. Not me. I couldn't have cared less about the camera and I didn't utter one word at all during the freefall, not even a profanity; I have a 50 second video of me falling like a lunatic, laughing my head off the whole way down. I laughed so hard and so loud that when I reached the ground I found that the wind resistance had partially frozen my mouth in it's expression of hilarity, and it hurt my jaw to close it again. I still feel as high as a kite, and I'm positive that my heart doesn't normally beat this fast. This must be the aftermath of the adrenalin high that all those daredevil junkies chase; I can see how this feeling might become addictive - always after the next fix of whatever can make you feel more than human. And it's definitely better for you than heroin.

It hasn't escaped my attention that I have done this skydive on possibly the perfect calendar occasion for it; April Fool's Day. Luckily this only occurred to me post-jumping, because had I realised prior to the event I believe my brain would have thrown down it's white flag in a fit of rage, turned off the music, and shouted at me to use it, 'Grace you imbecile! Who throws themselves 12,000ft to Earth on April Fool's Day, stop playing with your life and tempting fate!'. Thankfully though, it remained silently compliant, and I have never been happier, or prouder, to be April's Fool.