Sweet As

Saturday 27th March 2010, 1.30pm, Kaikoura Chip Shop - Kaikoura

'I can confirm that what you are proposing is good by me, my friend.'
- Definition of 'Sweet As Bro', Global Culture, (http://www.globalculture.co.nz/)

I already fear I may have to abandon my writing of this blog halfway through out of fears for my personal safety. I'm sat outside a Fish n' Chip shop (pronounced 'fush un chups' in a Kiwi accent) in Kaikoura with a portion of piping hot, thick cut, heavily salted chips. Sat on the floor around me and perched ominously on the parasol above me are a motley crew of hungry seagulls, beady eyes trailing each piece of potato that I dare to put in my mouth. The gang culture they've created around me will surely only goad them to attack, mob mentality and all that, they're baying for my blood and they may win yet. I feel like I'm in a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

The presence of my seagull bullies should indicate to you that I am on the coast, as indeed I am. After one more night in Christchurch we headed to Kaikoura this morning. It's an old fishing village on the East shore and due to a large ocean trench about 8 miles out to sea, has a population of 10,000 dolphins, Sperm whale families, and innumerable seal colonies lining the beach. The town itself is concentrated along one sea road, and is obviously less populated with people than it is with fish. It's small and almost eerily quiet, but has everything a happy village dweller might need: picturesque coastal views, clean and bracing air, Fair Trade shops bounteous in 'Save the Whale' t-shirts (which is a bit rich for a former Whaling community if you ask me), cosy pubs, and is the kind of place where everyone you cross on the street stops to ask how your day is going, and to comment on the weather.

I'd rather not comment on the weather actually, because the rolling winds and high seas have meant that my Whale Watching trip has been cancelled. There are a school of whales that have been spotted 6 miles out, but the unpredictable boating conditions and strong waves mean that my Good Ship Whale refuses to take me out to see them. Reassuring the Captain that I'm a strong swimmer didn't swing it for me. Oh well, C'est La Vie, the weather will change, the whales will wait for me somewhere else. All the more time to eat chips and be terrorised by seagulls... they're getting closer.

I was offered an alternative activity this afternoon, that being Dolphin Swimming. A boat takes you out just off shore, you jump in to the water, and 200 or so wild dolphins come along to investigate you. I hate dolphins. This is because I have quite a progressive and fully formed shark phobia, and it is my considered opinion that dolphins are just sharks pretending to be nice. For years they've been lulling gullible humans into a false sense of security with their faux friendly nudging and playful behaviour. It's surely only a matter of time before they reveal their true colours, that they've been in cahoots with the sharks all along, and once they've drawn all those stupid people in to the sea to have a swim and give them a cuddle, that's when the massacre will begin. Fish just shouldn't be that smart. To summarise, I politely turned Dolphin Swimming down.

Kaikoura marks our last stop on the South Island, tomorrow we are headed for the ferry crossing at Picton, and the new terrains of New Zealand's Northern territory. If I'm frank, which by now you should know I always am, I was never really that fussed about visiting New Zealand. Placing it in my itinerary was less of a deliberate decision and more of a 'well I guess if I'm the area I should pop by'. Generally, as a rule, I like heat, and tropical landscapes, swimming pools, excuses for wearing linen and not brushing my hair, spicy food, and places that make me feel like I'm on a different planet. The New Zealand of my imagination never seemed foreign enough for me to embrace it. However, what has been uncommonly foreign here for me, are the people, the Kiwis, and they have been the factor which has really made me thankful that I chose to 'pop by'.

In the spirit of well-meaning generalisation I will say that I've never met a nationality who so compatibly complement my personality. There are some things about them which I see in myself; their bone dry sense of humour, their tendency towards sarcasm and leg-pulling, their concerted efforts to enjoy themselves at all times, their no-nonsense, say it as you see it attitude, their desire to find the good in people. There are other things about them which aren't like me at all, but which encourage a more courageous, carefree side of me to emerge from it's shell of pessimism. They throw themselves into everything they do with exuberant gusto, they are fearless, and figure that life is not worth living unless you take a few risks, they are hardy and uncomplaining, they have unapologetic pride in their country, their glass is always half full, and in need of a top up. None of the latter are attributes which I have formerly possessed, but I'm starting to be positively affected by their sunny optimism; it's contagious, this "looking on the bright side" thing.

So I'm making a New Island Resolution. When I get to the North I'm hoping to challenge this new caution to the wind outlook I am adopting by throwing myself into a few activities which would normally make me, well, hide in Starbucks. I feel I owe it to the Kiwis, who have been so wonderfully warm to me, to be a little more adventurous in their country of opportunity. Life is good, I've no reason to be a scaredy-cat whingeing Pom any longer. As long as I escape from this table with my eyes un-pecked by seagulls, everything will be just Sweet As, bro.