A List's Completion

Sunday 11th April 2010, 10.55pm, ACB Hostel - Auckland

Auckland is our last port of call, this sprawling and commanding urban jungle that houses over a quarter of New Zealand's population and is a subject of derision and callous mocking for the other three quarters. Everywhere we've been, non-Auckland inhabiting Kiwis have been merciless and unforgiving in their despising of the country's significantly largest city, criticising the suit-wearing, Latte-drinking, soft top-driving culture of Yuppies that is evidently so detestable to the hardier country folk that live everywhere else.

It's a more exaggerated version of England's North/South divide, Auckland being the commercial and capitalist beast, the rest of the country defensively proud of their rural roots. Aucklanders are referred to as JAFAS, which stands for (excuse my French) Just Another Fucking Aucklander, their abundance in numbers has earned them quite the unfortunate nickname. On the way back down from Paihia on Friday afternoon, our driver announced to the bus, 'OK folks, the good news is that we're making quick time and should be at our destination in under 3 hours, the bad news is that this destination is Auckland'. The teasing and slander are endless.

I feel a little sorry for Auckland and it's unwarranted reputation. It's a massive city, and comes with all the chaos and mess and noise and rat-race freneticism that should be expected of a fully functioning business and residential hub. What are they all griping about?! Sure it's not beautiful, there's not a mountain behind every McDonalds, public transport sucks, people don't wave to you from their cars, there are more humans here than possums or sheep, and no one's asking if you want to go white water rafting, but it's a city for god's sake! The people who live here like cities and are slaving away at jobs in investment, insurance, retail, banking, tourism, that are undoubtedly contributing more than their fair share to the whole country's economy, not everyone can be a sheep farmer! Everyone else should quit their bitching in my opinion. But then, maybe I'd feel differently about this battle between country and city if I were a Northerner, rather than the evil Southern monster of a Londoner that I am.

Despite all the warnings from the bitter country Kiwis, Ella and I have had a really good time here. A couple of lazy days of shopping and coffee shop lounging were punctuated yesterday afternoon by going to see a rugby match, the Auckland Blues versus the South African Stormers, and marked the completion of my New Zealand 'To Do' list. Do you remember my mentioning of this list? An agenda of activities that I hoped to tick off whilst here? Well I've done all of them:

- Sky Diving
- Glacier Hiking
- Find Blanket Man
- Rugby Match
- Learn about Maori Heritage
- Wine Tasting
- See a Possum
- White Water Rafting
- Something Lord of the Rings related*
- Caving
- Jetboating
- Try a Fergburger**

Oh boy it's satisfying to finish a list, it might actually be the first time I ever have, usually I become frustrated at their incompletion, throw them away, and pretend they weren't things I really needed to do anyway. (My apologies now to any former colleagues of mine who were left with a myriad of Health and Safety tasks to complete after my resignation. I swear I always meant to sort out the fire hazards and fix the broken window locks, it just never seemed pressing, or interesting. If of course you have had a burglary or the office has burnt down since my departure, let me extend these apologies, and simultaneously accept no culpability for afore-mentioned mishaps). The rugby match was a thoroughly enjoyable way to round off list proceedings, and a prime opportunity to drink beer, shout a bit, and ogle what have to be some of the finest male specimens ever created; I was quite regretful afterwards not to have taken a banner with my phone number on.

But as ever, more surprises were ready to bestow themselves upon us even after we thought we had finished New Zealand. This evening we went for dinner with our friends Mitch and Bert, two native Aucklanders who we had met and spent Christmas with in Cambodia. We reminisced about our days on the beaches of South East Asia, laughed at Bert's performance on Christmas Day which earns him the accolade of Drunkest Person I Have Ever Seen, drove up to the top of a hill where we could view the whole city glittering and humming away in the evening darkness, and expressed our hopes for the next few months of our lives over ice cream sundaes by the sea. It was so wonderful to see them and to have some local tour guides, if you're ever in London fellas, mi casa es tu casa.

Tomorrow, Ella and I fly to Fiji to begin the last stage of our journey together, one chapter ends and the final one must begin. It is with heavy hearts that we will wave off this time, this country where I did everything I set out to do, and so much more besides. New Zealand has been the gift that kept on giving, and if I could, I would give it to all of you. As ever, I just hope that in some small way my writing of it has brought it to you, that you were given it in fragments of my worded joy before you come here for yourself, and see that I never once over sold what a magnificent place the last place on Earth really is.

*Not to boast, but I feel I excelled myself with this 'to do'.
**Infamous New Zealand fastfood joint in Queenstown, and easily the best burger that has ever graced my lips. Ella had 4 Fergburgers in 3 days. Yes, she's always hungry, but they really are that good.