Of A Scientific Nature

Monday 29th March 2010, 3.10pm, Espessoholic Bar, Wellington - North Island

It will probably come as no surprise to a lot of people reading this for me to reveal that I am a complete technophobe. Generally, if you hand me any kind of electronic gadget, I will have unintentionally jammed a button or reset it or frozen the screen within about a minute and a half. I am not a practically or technically minded person. I cannot rewire a plug, or drive a car, or use any of the fancy settings on my camera, or work a DVD player, or download videos to my Ipod, or operate a tumble dryer without shrinking my clothes, or play a computer game without being told, 'You Lose. Return to Level One', and I definitely do not understand the mysteries that are Blackberry's, Apple Macs, Mail Merge, Blu Ray and satellite navigation. It's a small miracle I even managed to set up this blog really, it is my greatest computer based achievement to date.

If you want a discerning conversation, or maybe some help with an essay - I'm your girl. If you need a light bulb changing, then don't ask me unless you're prepared to sit in the dark for a number of hours. It's OK, no need to feel too sorry for me, I've come to terms with my character flaws and am just grateful for the fact that we're all different. If we were all like me then the human race wouldn't have invented the wheel yet, but we'd have had some lovely chats about our feelings.

The reason I choose to enlighten you about my 21st century failings is that this morning, I have made a remarkable breakthrough, only about 10 years after everyone else cottoned on. I have set up a Skype account! When I say "I" have set up a Skype account, I really mean that I have instructed Roz, my 18 year old bus companion, to stand behind me and direct every click of my mouse. Thanks Roz. I do not understand how it works, and I will not pretend to care, all I know is that I can now sit at a computer with a headset on, log in, call any phone number I want to on the computer dialling pad, and abracadabra - the wonders of technology will have me talking away to a loved one half way across the globe for no more than 80 pence a minute. Skype would have been a handy thing to investigate at the beginning of my travels, having made no more than 4 expensive phone calls home in 4 months, but hey, I get there in the end.

I had a lovely ambling chat with my Mum, Dad and Sister this morning and it was so refreshing to have time to talk about nonsense, rather than feeling rushed into giving them a bullet point account of my itinerary. As when I make any new technological progress, my pride at my accomplishment will clearly make me go nuts for it over the next few weeks, so come on folks, indulge me, send me a landline number and let me play with my new toy by giving you a call! I ran back to my dorm room after my conversation with the family this morning to excitedly tell everyone about the discovery I had made. This must be how Isaac Newton felt when the apple dropped on his head - although I bet no one rolled their eyes at him and said sympathetically, 'Yes, we've all known about it for years.' I am undeterred in my satisfaction. Isn't science great, I'm so pleased someone invented it.